#slava kozlov

[barbequebarf]

every few months i get a little crayzay about the russian five. and. this past addictive streak has been since jan, yet i dont have much to show fer it...

[hockeytown-gifs]

Just Joey! - Detroit Red Wings

[sergeifyodorov]

It is so fortuitous for me that you are in a russian five mood just as I am finishing up the sacred book itself. imagine traveling half the world and renouncing your country because you were destined to be soul bonded to four other players in midwestern America. destiny...narrative...twinks...this story has it all

well first off i am ALWAYS in a russian five mood... and aksjdfhskjdfhskjdfhksjdfh you're reading it... YESSSSSS......

so sososo many things about that book/that narrative really get me. highlights:

the fact that car crashes both start (slava kozlov's concussion from the crash that killed kirill tarasov leading to his redwingification) and end (vladdy konstantinov :/ ) the five's time together (especially given that detroit is the motor city)

sergei's fascination with stevie.... the fact that not only did he choose 91 because he wanted to be like stevie but also the fact that the contract Keith Gave offered him as bait was the Same Contract As Stevie's.

actually the presence that stevie has as a whole within this story... i mean he's Stevie Y you can't really talk about hockey without him and ESPECIALLY not this part of hockey,,, i just love him ok he's so #girl

i have this absolutely VIVID mental image of not-yet-21 sergei in the pool in the summer of 1990 surrounded by bored housewife milfs come to stare at him. i conjure that image to sustain myself in times of need

larionov and fetisov being representatives of the iconic green unit! it is SO compelling to me that the russian five were not five young guys -- no mogilny, no bure -- but instead two-fifths of them were some of the most well-known soviet hockey vets ever. like, i have a magazine program from the 70s with slava fetisov as a member of the reserve team!!! they've been around forever!!

starting the tradition of breaking a regular season record and not winning the cup lmao

[yzerman]

[pokecheckhooking]

my kid and I at her first Wings game, lucky number 13s (they lost in OT)

[icedhockey]

they’re playing hacky sack with this grown man

[petoskeystones]

the thing is that for history after 1926 my brain autofills what was going on with the red wings and for history from 1840-1930ish my brain autofills what was going on at the poles. if you tell me a date during these timeframes i am likely nodding intently while thinking “wow slava kozlov got four goals that month” “that’s the year amundsen disappeared” or some equivalent nonsense

[whitenikes]

Who is 2513 in your tags

hi anon I'm glad you asked, 25 is darren mccarty, known for Fight Night at the joe and being Worlds Coolest Uncle, 13 is (for this case) slava kozlov, the baby of the russian 5. I don't have the sources readily available but they had a very Push-Pull relationship in the "I hate you so much" "you wanna fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid" kind of way

[sayyestomi]

favorite hockey players? im curious

this is a very Nuanced answer so you’re getting the autistic rundown anon.

90s wise: steve yzerman, sergei fedorov, slava kozlov, darren mccarty, igor larionov, chris osgood, kris draper

current players from my favorite teams

detroit red wings: DYLAN LARKIN <333, lucas raymond, moritz seider, alex lyon, ben chiarot, joe veleno

dallas stars: mason marchment, tyler seguin, jake oettinger, thomas harley, roope hintz, miro heiskanen

carolina hurricanes: seth jarvis, pyotr kochetkov, andrei svechnikov, jack drury

vancouver canucks: quinn hughes, arturs silovs, brock boeser, jt miller, pius suter

various guys i like that used to be on my teams/i just think are cool:robby fabbri, david perron, jake walman, mathew barzal, anthony beauvillier, klim kostin, dylan strome, brady skjei, mika zibanejad, chris kreider, k’andre miller, john gibson, marc andre fleury (probably more lmao)

[waspabi]

More Like War Ch. 2

(C.K. Dexter Haven voice) Hello friends and enemies. It’s been a while!

Since this has been a pretty Sema-centric chapter:

Alexander Semin knowing exactly what he is doing to Nicklas Bäckström

Mike Green, service dog in the Alexander Semin cheetah enclosure

Alexander Semin dealing with complex pyschosexual feelings about Alex Ovechkin

Boudreau

Listen. I actually really like Boudreau and think he's a good coach but man has writing this chapter reminded me of my Many Grudges Against Him. Every media quote was an actual quote, with only one having been padded a little. 

Boudreau’s wildly Canadian Hockey Man quote about Nicke’s “toughness”: 

“There’s something that’s ingrained in him,” Boudreau said. “You don’t think of it with Nick because he’s a blond, blue-eyed, Swedish, good-looking young man. But he’s got a toughness that belies all that, a toughness that coaches just love. He’s not going to fight, but he’s tough. I saw him last year where he could barely walk, but he was playing.”

The Red Wings game with the five penalties where only Sema was lambasted? 100% accurate!

Perhaps the best example came in a 3-2 loss to New Jersey at Verizon Center on Nov. 4, when Semin took three offensive-zone penalties, including one for hooking that led to a Devils goal. Afterward, Coach Bruce Boudreau was blunt in saying, "Alexander Semin has been in the league for five years and it’s just dumb penalties.”

Several days later, this reveal:

It’s believed that Semin has been playing through a litany of injuries, which might have something to do with his recent decline in production. He has not recorded a point in three straight games and has not scored a goal in six.

No points in three straight games! Can you imagine. I mean in 08-09 he did very much score at a 1.27 PPG pace (79 points in 62 games) so fair enough!

That CBJ Game

Earlier this week, Coach Bruce Boudreau said he believed the Blue Jackets planned to target Ovechkin by hitting the all-star every time he touched the puck. Columbus Coach Ken Hitchcock confirmed Tuesday that it was indeed his team’s strategy. “Run, chase, hunt down, hit, whatever word you want to use, that would be correct,” Hitchcock told reporters in Columbus. “He’s a very unique player because he gives it and he takes it. He doesn’t whine or cry about getting hit. He has fun in that role because the more you give it to him, the more he gives it back.”

Brooks Laich

Brooks Laich just absolutely could NOT stop hitting it out of the park with horny quotes about Alexander Semin:

It’s almost like God touched him on the shoulder and said, ‘You are wonderfully gifted’.” 

The other part of that quote was taken from Olaf Kolzig. 

“When you see a kid who has more talent than the reigning MVP, you want to see more,” Kolzig says of the 13th player taken in the 2002 draft. “He’s teasing you. The frustrating thing is he hasn’t gotten everything out of his talent. He doesn’t have the intangibles Ovie has. With Ovie there’s accountability. He’s had a bad groin and played through it. Ovie realizes what he has to live up to. So far [Semin] just puts up points.”

Misc.

Sema's weight and body composition played a big role in his injuries. He was hilariously infamous for never doing anything but cardio in the weight room. His weight in the press around this time was something like 209 lbs, but bless him he punctured that illusion real quick in this Russian interview from 2009:

Pretty sure he was, in fact, threatened to gain weight but you ever try to get a cat to do anything?

Cameos in this chapter from...

Nicklas Lidström, the quote unquote "Perfect Human"

Nicke has said he's the toughest defenseman he's ever played against.

Slava Kozlov, an all time pain in the ass (affectionate) whose Red Wings nickname was Grump

(bottom left, with Sergei Fedorov (center) and several of my all time faves)

Dainius Zubrus, who does indeed Look Like That:

He's actually Lithuanian but he did speak Russian and translated for Ovi and Sema in the early years.

And finally, Sema's mouth thing he simply loved to do on the bench, uhhh NSFW!!

[hockeytown-gifs]

Snippets of Stevie - Detroit Red Wings

[sergeifyodorov]

i have something to announce (am finally watching the russian five)

[yzerman]

[husshow]

🪽👑 for the ask game :)

🪽- choose a player to sacrifice to the gods, do hard crimes with, and save the world with

Since he’s already used to the role as resident sacrifice, dylan larkin :’) + crimes with slava kozlov + I trust steve yzerman to help save the world

👑 - create an nhl award and assign a recipient

Realistically I’d like a defensive trophy along the lines of most blocked shots + best hits

However: best hockey butt. The trophy is shaped like an ass. I think we know who this goes to.

[largerhalf]

the 25th anniversary is coming up, so i made a little zine to raise money for vladdy’s trust. it’s 12 pages of these sketch-style illustrations — 2 pages for each of them, plus 2 pages of cup celebrations (one for ‘97 and one for ‘98)

you can get the zine here: jennymott.bigcartel.com

it’s 3.5”x5” — there’s a digital option, but the physical zine comes with the PDF thrown in for free

but also obviously you can just donate to the trust directly: bit.ly/3OV5AQC

[petoskeystones]

slava fetisov's brother died in a car crash. his teammate died in a car crash after fetisov begged viktor tikhonov for a safer car. slava kozlov never wanted to go to detroit until he was in a car crash and he had no choice. sergei fedorov came to detroit for the promise of a corvette. they were all supposed to be in the limousine. the limousine was only there because they were trying to take the safest cars. the crash happened on the oldest street in detroit where the cup parade was held. slava fetisov woke up in the middle of the night in the hospital and went to konstantinov's bedside and told him he had to live, because his brother died in a car crash, and his teammate died in a car crash after he begged tikhonov for a safer car, and

do you guys ever think about the russian five and car crashes and the motor city and lose your minds or is that just me